Casshern Sins – Episode 02

Posted by hatemachine

I was going to open with a joke, but the show beat me to it.

How this played out:

Lyuze: You caused the ruin of the world!

Casshern: I did?  Could you repeat that again, because that’s what I’ve been told twenty times already in the previous episode.

Lyuze: Yes!  You ruined the world for marriage!  And now to hate you until you do something that makes me fall in love with you!

So we get introduced to two robots who are in love with each other: Root and Wrench.  I’m going to assume her name was not translated properly and insist that it ought to be spelled as “Wench”, which will become clear later on.  Anyway, Root and Wench are in love and have hot robot sex where Root sprays WD-40 all over Wench’s mouth.  They also have a robot dog, Friender, who likes to watch; maybe once in a while sniffs Root’s ass while he plows Wench.  Well, that’s the backstory I’ve decided to give them anyway.  Shit, that ought to be canon material.

Anyway, Root and Wench get attacked by a group of robots and Friender fends a few of them off before he gets tossed aside.  Well, at least Friender does something unlike, say, AIBO.  Then Casshern shows up and kicks ass.

Root and Wench take Casshern to Midget Robot Sisqo, who reveals that robots are essentially rusting away due to the ruin, and there’s nothing they can do to stop it.  Apparently they missed the memo from Bender: all they have to do is drink alcohol.  Then again, I’m certain Bender wouldn’t share his booze with them anyway.  Fine!  They’ll get their own alcohol, and they’ll open a casino!  With Blackjack!  And hookers!  In fact, forget the casino and the alcohol!

So anyway, Midget Robot Sisqo thinks that the rumor of eating Casshern to gain immortality is a silly idea, and that everybody gathered here have more or less accepted their fates.  Then he breaks out into the Thong Song:

By the way, nobody seems to know Casshern is, in fact, Casshern, despite the big C written on his chest.  Maybe they thought it stood for Carl Otis Winslow?

Wench asks Casshern to take Friender with him on his travels.  Root shows up, afraid that Wench might have gotten scared and ran off.  Then he takes Wench AND Friender, despite Wench’s request.  Talk about CLINGY.  Even Casshern notices it, and that guy is fucking clueless as fuck about everything.  Or maybe I’m just mistaking his brooding face for attempting to connect the dots.

Drew entertains the others by juggling some screws when his arm falls off, and he dies ten seconds later.  Requisite Cute Robot Girl says she’s afraid of dying, and Midget Robot Sisqo wonders what the fuck happened to his career.  Seriously, I don’t remember any singles he made after the Thong Song.  Then again, it is hard to top a brilliant song like that, so I’ll let it slide.

So then a robot shows up looking for Casshern and grabs the Requisite Cute Robot Girl.  Midget Robot Sisqo tells the robot he’s not holding Casshern.  The robot release Requisite Cute Robot Girl, then turns around and grabs Root thinking he’s Casshern.  Midget Robot Sisqo doesn’t help out Root like he did the Requisite Cute Robot Girl.  That’s a dick move, man.

Casshern shows up and reveals his true identity and kicks ass yet again.  Midget Robot Sisqo asks Casshern to leave, but then Root insists that Casshern stays so they can feast on him, ignoring Wench’s pleas to stop.  The rest of the robots surround Casshern, who responds in an understandable manner:

BITCHES YOU JUST GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT

Casshern goes into full berserk mode and nearly attacks Wench before Friender intervenes.  Wench blames Casshern for what has happened.  See?  Total wench.  Anyway, she rusts away and Casshern broods at the end.

I’m not very familiar with the Casshern franchise – I’ve only seen a couple of episodes of the original series and watched that live action movie that looked pretty but made as much sense as Jerry Yang thinking Yahoo! stocks were worth more than $31 a share when Microsoft made an offer earlier in the year.  It’s worth a whopping $12.89 as I write this.  Yang better be on his knees right now, sucking off and gurgling on whatever fluids are coming out of the investors in order to appease them properly.

Point I’m trying to make is I went into this show sort of blind.  So far, it reminds me of Kikaider: The Animation, a show I really liked until the OVAs came out and managed to completely ruin the thing.  Animates beautifully as well.  I’ve got hopes for this one.  Too bad though about Midget Robot Sisqo though.  I was hoping to see the robot chicks wearing thongs for the ending dance number.